>>> Thoughts Bomb #1

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I am thinking of a thoughts bomb, a place where I can speak my mind out, when I were too lazy to rant anything for two weeks.

At the moment I'm thinking that tomorrow I will leave to college. I don't know if I will visit the college though. I'm afraid to face my teacher, because I disappeared without saying anything. I'm thinking that if I say anything to him is that I prefer to stay home and work alone, because working in the classroom doesn't suit me. I'm doing a comic that needs script and concentration and I'm not doing it just for me. But I didn't do anything. I've been really lazy for the last two weeks. I actually came home to relax, no?

I'm anxious about my parents arguing and fighting all the time, my gealous mom talking about divorce and my dad fighting back, shouting at eachother, while I prefer to stay cool in my room and ignore everything. But I can't ignore that negative energy around them that harms me more than anything else.

I think that's why I am so negative. I haven't call my friend or my room mates, or anyone and I have a problem with everybody, because I think they don't fullfill my pretentions. I am too pretentious, too spoiled and too selective and I hate this! you heard me? I HATE THIS.

I have a problem with my friend because I'm envious: she's prettier than me, she's happier than me, she's luckier than me and she is more charismatic than I am. Staying with her doesn't make me any happier, she makes me suffer. And I suffer most when I see her hanging around boys. I'm beginning to freak out and I'm pulling her back near me. I don't know what this means. I think I should begin to worry. I never loved a guy.

I think I cried after the Art History exam, not because I got a 7, but because she's got a 10.

I love 7 as a number, but not also as a mark.

A guy calls me regularly lately and now I'm afraid to give him hopes, because I broke my last boyfriend's heart by dumping him for boring me to hell. I don't trust guys, although this one is waaay better that my ex. But I like famous singers instead. ;)

I've made two guest art pieces today for comics I read. Also I did my luggage. I wrote on my site-journal. I think I'm going to burn a cd after I finish typing this bullshit.

The last moment is the best moment to do most of the things. *blink* 'The last day of my life' is really the quote for truth!

Oh, I got an e-mail! (looks like the second reply from the fanart I sent today!)

Next week is my birthday and I ain't coming home. I can tell you 1000 reasons for this. I hate my birthday, because it's always been dull, even more dull than the New Year's night! I want to have fun with my friends at least once at my birthday.

Or, at least at this birthday, I must have friends.

I will miss my kitty and my fishies.

My mind goes blank.

And I feel much better now.

|17.03.2008|